Pieces
by Livvie L0ve
Summary: Olivia hoped that she would be able to get past William Lewis, but after the events of Surrender Benson, Lewis has left a piece of him that will stay with Olivia forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Wassup, peeps? So I'm one of those people who really tries to separate fiction from cannon, but lately my imagination's been running, and I have an alternate storyline, starting with surrender benson. Quick note that for the purpose of the story, the events of surrender benson take place in March of 2013. I haven't written a fic in over a year, so reviews are great, but please at least try to be nice about it. Hope you enjoy!**

**CHAPTER 1**

She'd been having nightmares for weeks now. She just couldn't seem to get them out of her head. Tonight was no different.

_She was back in her apartment, drowsy, bruised, and restrained to a chair, her mouth covered with duct tape. She sat there in silent agony until an evil voice whispered, "Time to wake up, sweetheart. Our fun hasn't even started yet."_

_ She whimpered in fear as she turned her gaze to match that of William Lewis' but she was immediately met with a shower of alcohol all over her hair, her face, her beaten body. Silent tears streaked her face as he violently slapped her and knocked the chair she was sitting in backwards in one swift movement. As her head made a deafening crack as it made contact with the floor, everything went black._

Her eyes flew open as she gasped and realized that she had experienced yet another flashback in her dream. Feeling lightheaded, she cautiously made her way out of her bedroom and towards her bathroom mirror.

When she glanced at the reflection in the mirror, she saw a shell of a woman. Her eyes were glassy from her restless slumber, and the sticky streaks of tears that were still on her cheeks were proof that she had once again been crying in her sleep. It had already been a month, yet she was still haunted by him. For the first time in her life, Olivia Benson had been so damaged that even she wasn't sure whether she could keep on going. She still had another month of mandatory leave, but even getting out of bed every day was proving to be a struggle for Olivia. To make matters worse, she had completely cut herself off from the outside world. Outside of attending therapy and doctor's appointments, Olivia Benson had disappeared from the lives of others. Nobody in her squad had heard from her, and Brian had left her as soon as he had found out what had happened to her. She hadn't seen him since.

Focusing again on her reflection in the mirror, Olivia watched as her already pale face became even more flushed than it already was. She had a sneaking suspicion as to what was causing her sudden loss of color; the nausea that erupted in her stomach moments later confirmed that she was going to be sick yet again. Already in the bathroom, Liv used what little strength she had to fall to her knees and crawl over to her toilet, where she spent ten minutes dry heaving and coughing up the contents of her stomach. She silently scolded herself for not expecting her bout of sickness the moment she had woken up. When it was finally finished, she began quietly sobbing as she sat down against the tile wall and pulled her knees to her chest.

She continued with her agony until she glanced at her clock and noticed that it was already 6: 19 A.M. Remembering that she had to be at her physician's office that morning at seven to get the results of the blood test her doctor had ordered three days prior when Liv had stumbled in for her annual physical looking like hell. Olivia slowly pushed herself up from the floor and went to get dressed. Choosing a thin beige sweater that was fitting for the breezy April weather in New York. Wanting to be comfortable, she grabbed her favorite pair of black fitted slacks. She put on her top without any issue, but after sliding her pants up her legs, she noticed that her slacks were not only a little tight around her midsection, but that they were also reluctantly refusing to meet so that she could button them. After minutes of futile attempts at buttoning her pants, Olivia gave up, left them unbuttoned, and pulled her sweater over her waistband.

She once again sauntered over to her mirror, where she pulled up her shirt and gave a defeated look at her slacks that were now too small on her. For the first time that day, she spoke, muttering to herself, "I need to get back to work, or my other clothes are also going to stop fitting due to all this weight I've put on."

Coming to terms with the fact that she had gained weight and now had a little belly where her abs used to be from being on leave, she attempted to comfort herself, stating "It's okay, Olivia. You can't even notice the pudge when you've got your clothes on."

Frowning at her reflection one last time, she pulled her sweater down, noticing that it was a little snug. She cursed under her breath, grabbed her keys, and left her apartment, trying to forget the nightmare she had woken up from just two hours before.

Sitting in the waiting room twenty minutes later, Olivia grimaced as the scent of the coffee the woman sitting across from her was drinking began to upset her stomach. She groaned quietly, attempting to control her desire to give up her stomach contents for a second time that morning. She put a hand to her stomach as she silently willed herself to not be sick.

As she was struggling to not throw up from the stench, her mind started racing and she started worrying that something could be seriously wrong with her. She was still recovering from the torture she had endured from Lewis, the last thing she needed was to have a life-threatening illness. Because her eyes were squeezed shut as she was attempting to cope with her silent agony, she didn't notice the nurse who had poked her head out into the waiting room as she chirped, "Olivia Benson?"

Getting no response, the nurse repeated again in an obnoxiously peppy voice, "Is Olivia Benson here?"

Olivia snapped out of her mental musing long enough to hear the nurse when she called her name a second time. Olivia slowly rose out of her chair as she tried to stand firm and not let the sudden wave of dizziness she had gotten from standing up overtake her. She gave a wary smile to the young nurse and made her way to the examination room.

Olivia had one hand clutching her still bloated and upset stomach as her physician, Doctor Caitlyn Manson, entered the room holding a clipboard.

Olivia didn't bother to hide the concern on her face as she slowly lifted her head and pleaded, "Please tell me there's nothing wrong with me!"

Doctor Manson was slightly taken aback by her patient's desperation, but she maintained her composure and reassured Olivia, stating, "Don't worry, Ms. Benson. The results from your blood test are back, and I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief and was about to hop down from the examination table when her physician cleared her throat and continued, "However, I am happy to tell you that your test results show that you are five weeks pregnant. Congratulations."

Pregnant. The word hit her ears and resonated like nails on a chalkboard. Olivia pretended to be happy, set up an appointment to have an ultrasound done by Doctor Manson in three weeks, and hurried home.

The moment her apartment door was shut behind her, she backed up against her living room wall and slid down against it, lifting her shirt and staring ruefully at her belly that was making her pants not fit. She blinked back her tears that were threatening to spill for the umpteenth time that day as she realized that she wasn't getting fat, but rather, she had a tiny life growing inside her.

After five minutes of sitting in silence, Liv let her emotions get the best of her as the floodgates opened and her tears poured out. She had thought that if she would ever get pregnant, that she would be crying tears of joy when she found out. Although she certainly was crying now, they were by no means happy tears. Unable to will herself to do anything else, Olivia sat there, a broken shadow of the confident SVU detective she once was.

She told herself that she would keep this secret from everyone as long as she possibly could the moment she realized an important fact about the baby growing inside her: She was five weeks pregnant, and the only person who she had sex with in the last two months was William Lewis, when he had raped her in the beach house. She didn't want to believe it, but she had to face it. Olivia Benson was pregnant and going to be a mom at forty-one years old, and the child's father was William Lewis.

**And that's the end of chapter one! Hope you enjoyed, and your reviews would be helpful and greatly appreciated as I continue on with this fic.**


	2. Chapter 2

**WTF at what I was thinking when I said that Surrender Benson takes place in March 2013; just for clarity, I meant May 2013. Anyways, hope you like the chapter, and as always, review, review, review!**

**CHAPTER 2**

Three lonely weeks had passed since Olivia had found out the news. Since then, she had been trying to work past her PTSD and accept her child as the gift that it was. Even though she had given the "you're a survivor, it's not your fault" speech what seemed like hundreds of times, when she had to tell herself, she couldn't believe it. It was now the morning of her eight-week ultrasound, and she was looking for clothes to wear.

Besides the mental challenges, Olivia now had to deal with physical changes, seeing as any of her previously tightly fitting pants and shirts no longer fit without either staying unbuttoned or being strained by her thickening waistline to the point where it was obvious she had a belly. She tried to cover it up, because she knew when people saw her slightly chubby figure, they would look at her stomach that was spilling over her waistband and think that she was fat and not pregnant. "Just another thing to help damage my self esteem," Olivia thought to herself.

Despite the nature of the conception of the life growing inside her, Olivia had decided she was going to keep the baby. As far as she was concerned, the child was hers, and nobody else's. Even though Lewis may have been a biological parent to the baby, Liv believed that he was in no way the father of her child. She was still having night terrors, flashbacks, and emotional episodes, but she had tried to grow stronger so as to be a proper mother.

The first thing about raising the baby that concerned Liv was that she was the product of her mother's rape, and this child would be the product of her own rape. Having flashbacks of her mother chasing after her with the jagged end of a broken vodka bottle, calling her a monster, and repeatedly verbally and physically abusing her had her concerned that Olivia would become her mother.

Before she even knew she was pregnant, Liv had increased her alcohol intake from the occasional glass of red wine with dinner to an average of two bottles a night of whatever she could get her hands on. She would almost always wake up with a pounding headache or a massive hangover, and she occasionally would have blackouts from which she would wake up not remembering anything that had happened the night before. However, the day she found out about the baby, Liv had opened her fridge and disposed of all the alcohol after she had finished crying on the floor. Since then, there hadn't been any alcohol in her apartment. The way Olivia saw it, was that her mother was an alcoholic, and if she kept drinking the way she did, then it would be her first step into becoming her mother.

Coming back to her senses, Olivia snapped out of her trance. She peered back into her closet and decided that it would be better if she took a shower and got ready before she chose what to wear. Liv walked into the bathroom, turned on the shower as hot as it would go, and stepped into the steaming hot bathtub. She stood there for a few minutes, letting the fiery water run down her body, yelping when the near-boiling liquid had first made contact with some of the not yet healed burns Lewis had made. She washed her hair, but as she moved to wash her body, she saw the burns and knew what was about to happen. She gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth before hopping out of the shower and dropping in front of the toilet, where she had yet another bout of morning sickness. If there was anything besides her burgeoning belly that irritated her about being pregnant, it was the brutal morning sickness that she'd had to deal with daily. After heaving for about five minutes, Olivia put her hand on the toilet seat for support before slowly lifting herself off the ground so she could walk back to the shower.

After she had gotten back to the shower, she started where she left off washing her body before getting out of the shower and drying off. She then freshened up, but as she was walking back to her bedroom to get dressed, Olivia caught her reflection in the mirror, and her curiosity got the best of her. Dropping the towel that covered her changing figure that was still as secret to everyone, she turned to the side and put a hand on her abdomen, examining her changing profile. Normally, she was as thin as a board, but now there was a firm, round bump right that began right beneath her belly button that symbolized the existence of her child. Olivia stood there for what seemed like hours, unable to completely believe that her body was changing and was now displaying what would be the beginning of the curve of motherhood. Liv smiled to herself, thinking about a few months from now, when her body will have softened, her stomach developing a roundness that would be a sign to all that she, Olivia Benson, was pregnant.

Olivia moved her gaze upwards, only to see her closet in the mirror. She then remembered that she still needed to find and outfit and get dressed. Before trudging over to her closet, Liv placed a thoughtful hand on her stomach and smiled at her reflection one last time for that morning. Now standing in her closet, Olivia was now struggling to find an outfit that still fit comfortably. She put on one of her looser blouses that completely hid her stomach from onlookers, but was having trouble finding a properly fitting pair of pants. Liv looked down to her rounded stomach and sighed, "You know rookie, Momma's gonna have to wear her fat pants because of you. Hopefully, when I go back to work Momma's squad mates either don't notice you or just think Momma's getting chubby."

Olivia moved her search to the back of her closet, where she found her dreaded fat pants. Originally bought as temporary work pants in case Olivia ever put on a few extra pounds over the holidays, the dress slacks that typically had a lot of room left over in her waistband were a rather tight fit; Liv even had to fall back onto her bed and suck her stomach in just to be able to button the resistant pants.

"And I thought that most women were barely showing at eight weeks," Olivia groaned, looking at the angry red marks her fat pants were making as they dug into her midsection in protest.

At Doctor Manson's office, Olivia was led to a small examination room and told that the Doctor would see her in a few minutes. Olivia closed her eyes, trying to catch up on the sleep that her morning sickness had been taking from her, but to no avail. After about two minutes of resting, the granola bar and coffee Liv had for breakfast were ready to make a reappearance in the form of a major heartburn. Olivia groaned and doubled over in pain seconds before Doctor Manson appeared in the doorway.

"Not doing too well today, Ms. Benson?" The slightly younger women smiled sympathetically.

"Eurgh, I swear this baby does not want me to be able to eat anything and keep it down." Olivia complained, her voice barely audible.

"Well, I can go get you a weak painkiller, and then we can get your ultrasound set up."

"Please, anything to stop the pain!"

Twenty minutes later, Doctor Manson had returned with a painkiller and Olivia's pain had diminished. Once Doctor Manson had finished running a blood test and checking Olivia's heart rate, she prepared for the ultrasound, instructing Olivia to pull up her blouse, revealing her slightly distended belly. The doctor then put a cold gel on Liv's stomach, with Olivia flinching at just how frigid the gel was. After what seemed like ages for Olivia, Doctor Manson finally began running the Doppler over Olivia's abdomen. After a few minutes, there was still nothing to be seen or heard, and Olivia was starting to panic.

"Why aren't we seeing anything?"

"Don't worry, Ms. Benson, sometimes it might take a whi-" Doctor Manson's explanation was cut off by the sounds of a rapid heartbeat filling the room. Doctor Manson cracked a smile and replied, "And there's the baby. You have a healthy eight week old fetus." Olivia's eyes were misting as she saw her child for the first time. Sure, it was just a tiny blob, but it was her tiny blob. When Liv looked up, Doctor Manson had a more serious countenance. Noticing the puzzled expression on her patient's the doctor calmly asked, "Just one thing, Olivia. I know I haven't brought it up until now, but have you decided whether or not you want to keep it?"

Olivia stared at her midsection thoughtfully for a moment, as if she hadn't already made up her mind. Seeing the way her pants looked as if they were about to tear reinforced her answer. Liv made eye contact with Doctor Manson, and stated, "Yes, I want to keep the baby."

The young doctor smiled and handed Olivia a paper towel to clean off her stomach before saying, "All right then, I'll see you back here for your 12 week ultrasound."

That evening, Olivia looked at her calendar and realized she only had one week left of leave before she had to return to work. She still wasn't comfortable with the idea of her coworkers knowing she was pregnant just yet; they had already started treating her like damaged goods as soon as they had found out about what Lewis did to her. The last thing Olivia needed was her squad trying to protect her even more because she was with child.

As Olivia was getting ready for bed, she was changing out of her clothes and into her pajamas when she noticed the angry red marks her pants had made in her skin, yet this time they were far more noticeable than they had been that morning. Olivia sighed as she crawled into bed, muttering, "All right, rookie. Momma has to go back to work next week, So she's gonna need you to not be so big so that way Momma's squad mates don't find out about our little secret."

Drifting off into sleep, Olivia started panicking as she realized that sooner or later her squad was going to find out about her pregnancy; the thought had already occurred to her, but they were also gonna find out that Lewis was the father. There was no way they'd be able to look at her the same way, knowing that she, Olivia Benson was raped and was now pregnant with her attacker's child. A single tear slid down Liv's cheek as she realized just how terrified she was about it all.

**And that's chapter two! I read some of the comments on the first chapter, and quite a few of them were noting how Liv shouldn't be showing yet. Well, I had a reason for her already showing, but then somebody said, "please don't let her have multiples." I am in no way offended, but I just want to let you guys know that I'm writing this fic with you in mind, so here's how we're going to make sense of Liv showing so early: when you review this chapter, tell me if you want Liv to have twins, or if you want her to have a single child (in which case I'll write off the sudden weight gain; it's fiction, all right?) So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you are voting whether you want Liv to have one child or twins, please vote in you review by 12 P.M. EST tomorrow. As always, review, review, review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Before I forget, this is a heads up that this chapter contains a depiction of rape. As a survivor of sexual assault, I understand that it can be triggering for some. This is your warning. If you don't think you'll be able to handle it, please don't read!**

**CHAPTER 3**

The night before Olivia was due to return to work, She had the most unbearable nightmare. It wasn't her mind playing games with her or her imagining anything. Rather, Olivia had to live through the torture she endured at the hands of her assailant during her time at the beach house. No matter how hard she fought back, she couldn't get out of the dream. All she could do was watch as the events that took place on the worst day of her life unfolded right before her eyes yet again.

Her entire body ached. It hurt to breathe, her wrist was burning to the point where she thought it might have been broken, and her entire body was sore from the burns and cuts she had received from Lewis while he had held her captive in her own apartment. She was now handcuffed to the door in the back of a van, and with each movement the vehicle made, no matter how miniscule it may have been, it caused pain to radiate through Olivia's bruised and beaten body all over again. After enduring forty minutes of riding in the van, Lewis suddenly slammed on the brakes, causing Liv to fly forward and scream in pain against the duct tape across her mouth. Tears stung at her eyes, threatening to fall, but she promised herself that she wouldn't let Lewis see her cry. As she lay on the car floor, the door next to her swung open and her handcuffs were unlatched from the door, revealing Lewis standing in front of what appeared to be an abandoned beach house.

Seeing the fear in Olivia's eyes, William Lewis smiled evilly and gleefully announced, "I think we've found our special place. Remember it, Detective Benson, because you won't be leaving; it's your last stop."

Olivia's eyes widened as she began to imagine what the psychopath could possible have planned for her, and she attempted to protest, although all that could be heard was, "mm-mmm…"

Lewis cocked his head to the side and chuckled at Olivia's pathetic attempt to negate him. Without warning, he forcefully picked her up and held her against his body, the female detective whimpering at the pain caused by the sudden movement. He began to walk her towards the entrance to the house, Olivia dragging her feet heavily as she simply didn't have the energy to fight back. As they made their way into the house, he moved her towards a bedroom, upon entering which he discovered that the room had a bathroom, a dresser, and an old-fashion iron framed bed. It was perfect for him to break Detective Benson. Quickly glancing to her to make sure he would catch her off guard, he tossed Olivia towards the bed, not caring if she actually hit the mattress or not.

As she was coerced into the room, the first thing Olivia noticed was the bed. Instantly, images of Lowell Harris and the basement at Sealview appeared in her head and she groaned. _This can't be happening, there's just no way this can be happening, _she thought to herself. While she was lost in her thoughts, Lewis threw Olivia towards the bed. She landed face first and rolled over onto her back, which was not an easy task with her hands cuffed behind her. Lewis began to drag on about needing to ditch the car or something of the like, but all Olivia had on her mind was the excruciating amount of pain she was in. As she tried to take in her surroundings, the first thing her eyes moved towards was the bathroom, complete with a toilet that was placed easily in sight. In that moment, Liv realized just how long it had been since she had last used the restroom, and an unbearable amount of pressure exploded in her bladder. While she was suffering, Lewis was continuing on with whatever he was talking about, musing, "… So you promise you'll be a good girl for me while I'm gone?" Lewis turned his gaze over to his newest victim and realized she had her eyes dead set on the toilet. He caught on to what she was thinking, and replied, "Oh, I get it. It's been a while, huh? All that Vodka."

Liv didn't look up at him. She continued to stare at her only hope of relief, crying out against the gag covering her mouth, "Mmmmm…mmm…" She had already given into her urges and wet her pants, something she hadn't done since she was a little girl, while she was in the trunk of the Lincoln. It reminded her how much she felt like a little helpless girl trapped with a big threatening man. The last thing she wanted was to wet herself again, this time in front of Lewis.

Lewis decided that this would create a perfect opportunity to make a move, so he cracked a grin while watching Olivia's desperate grunts and announced with a swift motion of the gun in his hand, "All right. Come on."

Hearing Lewis give her permission, Liv attempted to sit up, something that she could easily do without trying under normal circumstances, however she lacked the strength, and she had to use all of her power just to make it halfway up, protesting, "MMMmmm!" before falling on her back. She tried to sit up again, this time making an even louder cry before crashing back against the matress.

Despite the entertainment he was getting out of watching Olivia try and fail miserably at sitting up, Lewis was still on a schedule and had a car to lose. After watching her fall back in defeat a second time, he scooped her up in his arms, causing her to cry out in pain again, and put his gun under her neck, growling, "Let's go."

As she shuffled towards the bathroom, Olivia became aware of the fact that there was no way she would be able to relieve herself with her hands restrained behind her back, and there was definitely no way that Lewis would even consider removing her handcuffs to let her do so. _Oh shit, he's gonna use this as an opportunity to violate me! Oh god please no, please no, please…_

"Wait a second, sweetheart. You can't use the restroom by yourself in your condition. Here, allow me to help," Lewis seethed as he made a move towards Olivia's belt buckle. As he began attempting to undo her belt, Liv tried to squirm and get away from him. Lewis grimaced and pointed the gun directly at her head, and mockingly crowed, "Ah, ah, ah. Be a good girl and stop moving or I swear to God I will blow your fucking brains out."

Fear was all he could see in Olivia's eyes as she shook her head and suppressed a whimper. "That's a good girl. Come on, let me help you." He stated romantically as he unzipped her pants and saw her black-laced panties. He took a step back to admire them before he felt himself become aroused. "Oh god, detective, you're the hottest bitch I've ever been with."

Olivia cried out in protest before he roughly pulled off her panties and helped her reliever herself. When it was all said and done, Lewis helped her put her pants back on before leading her back into the bedroom. While walking back towards the bed, all Olivia wanted to do was to break down into tears, but she was still determined to not let Lewis see her cry. She was stronger than that, she kept silently reminding herself. Lewis pushed her back onto the bed and linked her handcuffs above her head to the metal bar at the head of the frame before chirping, "Be a good girl now. I have to ditch the car. Stay right here, and when I get back, that's when the fun will really begin." Olivia watched as Lewis left the room, and as soon as she was sure she heard the front door open and shut, she let all the tears she was holding back flow freely.

After ten minutes, Olivia came back to her senses and moved into survival mode. She knew that Lewis could be back soon, so in the mean time she had to do anything she could to escape. Her eyes automatically darted to her hands, which were still cuffed to the bedframe above her. She used what little strength she had left to begin kicking at the bars to weaken them and pulling at them with her hands. Which each time she pulled against her handcuffs, her wrists were cut deeper due to the sharp metal digging into them. The pain eventually became to much for Liv, and tears began to streak her face as she willed her entire body to move. She immediately regretted that decision, because it caused her body to fall off the bed, leaving her with her feet on the ground, and her hands still cuffed to the bed. Still trying to escape, Olivia began to inch away from the bed. While she was trying to move, her head snapped to the side and her eyes widened once again as she heard the front door open and close. Lewis was back. Seconds later, Lewis returned to the bedroom to find Olivia hanging off the bed, obviously from trying to escape. He scoffed and queried, "Going somewhere?" He lurked towards Olivia before tightening her cuffs, earning him yet another scream in agony before picking up her entire body and slamming it against the bed. Olivia yelped as her face made contact with the rough fabric. Lewis then sauntered behind her, announcing, "Isn't this just fantastic? A real old fashioned iron framed bed. I knew this place would be perfect." He began stroking her hands saying, "We'll cuff your hands… here," he turned around and ripped the duct tape off her mouth, causing her to gasp in pain. He then continued towards the end of the bed as he yanked her feet.

Getting a burst of pain from his pulling on her feet, Olivia cried out, "OWW!" before Lewis continued on with his plan.

"And we'll tie your feet up… here." Lewis finished, his gaze moving back towards Liv, who now had a look of silent defeat on her face. He decided to provoke her even further, asking, "Do you want me to cut your clothes off or burn them off?"

Olivia let a single tear escape her eye as she continued to hold her forward stare so as to not make eye contact with Lewis.

Lewis was amused by her attempt at control and let out a small chuckle before laughing, "Scissors. Of course. Where would scissors be? I'm gonna go look in the kitchen."

While Lewis was off searching, Olivia again tried to pull at her restraints, hoping the metal bar would budge. She heard more indistinct clatter coming from the kitchen before Lewis reappeared holding a trident shaped cloth cutter. "Isn't it perfect?" he asked her mockingly. He moved towards her legs, where he began to cut away at the duct tape binding them together.

Olivia did her best to maintain her emotionless stare, but with each tear, it was becoming harder and harder. After the fifth tear, Lewis took notice of Olivia's defiance and asked her, "Thinking of someone? Mom? Dad? Boyfriend? Someone you would give anything to see one last time?" Lewis was now caressing Liv's arm with his cheek. Olivia decided to take the opportunity and lead him on. She turned her head to face him, and asserted, "You know, you may want to keep me around for a while. You see, I've profiled you. I know what you like. Playing hard to get and then begging for your life, it's what you want to see. I can give you that. I've studied your previous crimes. I probably know more details than you even remember. I've seen a lot of things, but I've never seen anything quite like this…"

"Yeah?"

"But if you want a struggle, you better loosen these cuffs or take them off."

"No."

"Don't you want to fight me, pin my arms behind my bac-" Olivia's taunting was interrupted by Lewis forcefully grabbing her face before pulling his gun out and shoving it down her throat.

Olivia whimpered as she felt the cold metal of her own gun pressed against the roof of her mouth. Lewis slowly pulled it out, and she finally lost whatever composure she had left. She broke down crying, and Lewis, gun still pointed at her, said, "Now you say…"

Olivia coughed through her tears and whimpered, "I want to live… I'll do anything. Any-anything. I-I-I'll do anything!" her body was wracked with sobs as she felt Lewis once again pull on her feet, causing her crying to become worse. He then reached back into his black bag, and pulled out ropes, using them to tie Oliva's feet to the bed posts, like he said he would earlier. Olivia realized that she had been completely restrained and forced herself to stop crying to see what Lewis was doing. When she looked down, she saw him slowly and lovingly pulling her pants off, followed by her panties. Liv let out a small sob at the realization that her privates were completely exposed for Lewis to see. He glanced up from his handiwork to see her staring at him and he snapped, screaming, "You bitch, who the fuck said you could look! It was supposed to be a surprise, but now you've been as bad girl and you need to be punished!"

He jumped on top of Olivia, ripping her shirt and bra off with his bare hands. His eyes automatically caught a glimpse of her fully exposed breasts, and he began to knead them forcefully.

Olivia couldn't believe what was happening. Here she was, completely restrained in a spread eagle position to the bed, entirely naked, with Lewis on top of her.

He looked at her teary eyes and panted, "I'm gonna correct you, you dirty slut."

Olivia screamed at the top of her lungs, "No, please stop, STOP, no, no, NO, PLEASE STOP!"

Lewis laughed at her suffering and crashed his lips down on hers. He pushed his tongue as far back as it could possibly go. Olivia gagged as she felt his tongue pressed back against her throat she was trying to break the metal bar above her head, but it simply wasn't working.

After two minutes, he looked at her and said, "What fun is my tongue when I can share my most special part with you?" Olivia's heart sank as she knew from experience what was coming next. He swiftly pulled down his pants to reveal his fully erect penis. Olivia took one look and attempted to scream for help again as he yanked her by her hair and held her head in preparation for what was about to come. Liv couldn't bring herself to watch as she squeezed her eyes shut and began to scream.

"NO, PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE DON'T, NOOOOO-" Olivia's pleas were cut off as she began to gag on his member that he had shoved in her mouth. Liv was audibly breaking down and crying as he began to move in and out repeatedly until he finally erupted inside her mouth and forced her swallow his seed.

"Olivia still had her eyes squeezed shut, so she wasn't at all prepared when Lewis quickly pulled out from her mouth and unexpectedly rammed into her opening. Liv screamed at the top of her lungs as the pain between her legs registered and she realized what was happening to her. She knew this was it, so she sat there, tears silently running down her face, as Lewis continued pumping, harder, faster, and she had to try and hide her involuntary moans of pleasure as Lewis climaxed, screaming her name and spilling his seed insider her.

She had just been raped. Raped. She, Olivia Benson, had just been raped. She did the only thing could think to do. She used all her might to break the metal bar from the bead frame and bash Lewis' skull in. He lived, but at least she got her revenge. She suddenly realized what she had done, and quickly dropped the bar, putting her head in her hands as it became known to her what had just happened.

Olivia shot up in bed, her face sticky with tears. She tried to get it out of her head, but a cold sweat broke out over her body and she ran to the toilet. She threw up for ten minutes, eventually crumpling into a clammy mess on the bathroom floor. After crying to herself for an hour, she finally looked at the clock on her counter. 4:30. She needed to be at work in two and a half hours. Looking down at her barely visible belly, Liv was determined to not let anyone know that she had changed, but deep down, she knew that this pregnancy was not going to be easy. She was pregnant with her rapist's child, and she was more terrified than she had ever been in her life.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm headed off to a two week debate camp on Saturday, so updates might be scarce for a while. On a side note, it seems that most of the reviewers want Liv to have a single child, meaning she would barely be showing where she is, at 8-9 weeks. I was originally planning on twins (hence her showing so early), but I've changed it for the sake of what you guys want to see. So as far as inconsistencies with Liv already showing, just know that that's why they're there (that was a fun sentence to type). In the meantime, here's this. **

**CHAPTER 4**

Olivia didn't want to face her coworkers. It was hard enough knowing that she had been raped by William Lewis, and now sooner or later they were going to find out that she was pregnant with his child. Even though that scared her, it was not nearly as petrifying as her personal predicament was. It was still shocking to her, even after three weeks. _She was pregnant with her rapist's child. She was single, she was working off of a cop's salary, and she had no family. She was going to be a mother. _These thoughts and others were repeating themselves relentlessly in Olivia's subconscious as she paced the final two blocks to make it to the 1-6 precinct. A single tear managed to slide down her cheek on the rather breezy July morning. As she approached the doors that led to what she considered to be her home, she quickly wiped away the tear with the back of her hand. She couldn't let her coworkers believe that there was anything wrong with her. She had to keep the charade going, at least for now.

Liv sighed and took a deep breath as she attempted to put on a look of confidence. Stepping out of the elevator, Olivia strutted into the SVU squad room, finally resuming her daily routine that she hadn't kept up with for two months. As she rounded the corner and entered her squad room for what felt like the first time in ages, she began to believe that things could finally return to normal. _Or as normal as they can be,_ Olivia relented, once again reminding herself of the tiny part of William Lewis that was now inside her.

"Olivia? Thank God, we were convinced the government had shipped you out to Russia!" the familiar sarcasm of John Munch echoed within the walls of the precinct. The sergeant whom Olivia had looked up to for all of her nearly fifteen years at SVU peered over his glasses towards Liv, who had just put her purse down on her desk. Hearing the conspiracy riddled comment, Fin looked up from the DD5 he was filling out to greet the female detective whom he treated like his little sister.

"Shut up, Munch. Babygirl, it's been so long. You have no idea how much we've missed you," Fin whispered as her pulled Liv into a tight embrace; the pair hadn't seen each other in nearly two months, and he had worried about her every second of every day since her kidnapping.

Rollins noticed that Liv had returned and smiled at the senior detective before rushing out of the squad room to go meet a victim down at Mercy General.

Coming over to his desk bringing two cups of coffee, one for himself and the other for Olivia, whom he had noticed had entered the squad room, Detective Nick Amaro had been wondering when Liv would come back from leave. Handing her the coffee he had made for her. Nick smiled and observed, "Has it been two months already? Liv, you have no idea how happy I am to have you back. It's just not the same, chasing down perps with Fin. I appreciate your words of support towards the victims, and not Fin's "Imma pop a cap in yo' ass" outlook on things."

Olivia smiled, graciously accepting the coffee Nick had made for her, trying her best to not let them see her intense nausea that was brought on by the stench of the drink. She sat down at her desk and started picking up her new case files, replying, "I've missed you too, Nick. How have things been around here?"

Nick responded, "Pretty slow. We haven't had anything major happen while you were gone, no changes or anything. But speaking of changes, have you been using some new lotion? You're absolutely glowing, Olivia."

Liv tried to conceal the surprised expression on her face, quickly retorting, "Oh it's nothing. It's probably because I'm well rested from all the extra sleep I've been getting." She knew that was total bullshit. She hadn't been getting any sleep, due to her night terrors and morning sickness that loved to make an appearance at 5 A.M. She just hoped that Nick would be okay with her response; he was a father, and Liv knew full well that Nick was pretty familiar with the symptoms of pregnancy. All she could do for now was pray that Nick wouldn't be catching on to her secret any time soon.

Nick shook his head and decided to leave Olivia alone, realizing that with her last response she was clearly trying to cover something up. He wanted to know what she was hiding, but at the moment he was more concerned with not irritating his partner on her first day back at work. Trying to change the subject, he nonchalantly mentioned, "It's been a while, Liv. You should probably go see Cragen so you can get up to speed on things."

Olivia was relieved that Nick would lay off hassling her for information she wasn't ready to disclose with anyone just yet. She gave a slight smile before backing her chair up and making her way towards the Captain's office, where Don Cragen would without a doubt be sitting at his desk, waiting for her.

"Olivia," Cragen smiled, his eyes resting upon the Detective whom he treated as if she were his daughter.

"It's good to see you again, Captain," Olivia replied, happy to once again see her squad commander, whom she saw as a father figure. In more ways than one, her squad was a family to her. Little did they know that a small, barely visible mound forming on Olivia's abdomen was a telltale sign that there would soon be a new member to that family, even if the circumstances of the conception were less than pleasant.

"We're happy to have you back, Liv. The good news for now is that there's nothing I need to brief you on immediately. However, I hate to be the one to bring it up, but Lewis has recovered enough, and the court has ruled him healthy enough to stand trial. Pre-trial motions have already begun, but the actual trial is set for about three weeks from now. Barba will be around in a few days to get you prepped, but I should inform you that you will be testifying, and we're going rape I and attempted murder. I'm sorry Olivia, but I promise you that this entire squad will be with you the whole way. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll be able to send this monster exactly where he belongs… are you alright, Olivia?"

Olivia had turned a pasty shade of white. She hadn't heard anything Cragen had said past when the trial would be. Just the mere mention of William Lewis had caused her stomach to do flip-flops. She quickly shook her head as she clamped her hand over her mouth, knowing that she was going to be sick. Cragen had caught onto this, and had quickly handed her the trashcan he always kept next to his desk.

Liv gratefully accepted the trashcan as she threw up the remains of the sole piece of toast she had consumed that morning, passing it off as breakfast. Cragen handed her a tissue, which she used to wipe off her mouth. The color was now returning to her face, which was red with embarrassment. She stammered, "Captain, I'm sorry you had to see that. I swear I'm not sick, I just didn't eat a good breakfast."

Not buying her excuse, Cragen raised a single eyebrow. He saw the depressed look on his detective's face; it was her first day back, and here she was, already expecting to get sent home. He gave her a warm smile and compromised, offering, "All right, Liv. It's your first day back, so go catch an hour in the crib. You can stay here for interrogations and booking, but no going to crime scenes today. Don't want you tossing your cookies over Warner's crime scenes."

Olivia gave a long sign before trudging out of her captain's office and towards the crib. She was happy to be back to her family, even though in the back of her mind she was constantly being reminded that this family would soon have a new member, whether, Liv was prepared for it or not.


	5. Chapter 5

Trolololol so I'm back from camp, but I waited a while to update because I got my wisdom teeth removed; I don't know, something about writing while high on Vicodin just doesn't sound like the brightest idea. Anywho, here's the next part.

**CHAPTER 5**

"Olivia, can I have a minute? We need to talk," Don Cragen queried before stifling a yawn. He had just checked his watch, which had told him that it was 6:37 A.M. His senior detective had shown up no more than twenty minutes ago, with no breakfast, attempting to start her morning routine as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She had tried pulling this quite a bit recently, and Cragen had a sneaking suspicion as to what was causing Liv's behavior. He wouldn't have said anything today, however, until Olivia's face paled as she clamped her hand over her mouth and tried to the best of her ability to make a run for the bathroom. Unfortunately, she was unsuccessful in her efforts as she collapsed in front of the trashcan near the cribs and began a combination of dry heaving mixed with the occasional retching. It was at this point that Don had decided to do something.

Olivia was leaning miserably over the trashcan near the cribs, having her third bout of morning sickness today alone, when she felt a cool cloth being compressed to the back of her clammy neck. A strong, calloused hand that she recognized as Cragen's swept a stray hair away from her sweaty forehead. He then proceeded to extend his hand to her so that he could help her up. Not wanting any further embarrassment, Liv gave a tight smile before accepting his gesture and slowly rising to her feet. Almost immediately, she began to feel slightly lightheaded, and she quickly placed both of her hands on the counter next to the coffee machine, hoping she wouldn't have anything else happen that could potentially damage her pride even further. She was already trembling, but as soon as Cragen asked to speak with her, Olivia began visually shaking. _Shit, shit, shit! He knows. Please don't tell me he knows. I didn't want to have to tell anybody this early! I'm only 11 weeks along, it's not that noticeable yet, is it?_

"Liv, I know it's been a tough few weeks for you getting back to work, but are you sure it's not affecting you physically?" Cragen was trying to be as light and neutral as possible; the last thing he needed was being to abrasive with Olivia and scaring her away. After seeing her sick for the umpteenth time this morning and having had Amaro come into his office the week before and inform him that he should talk to Olivia, he finally decided that he needed Liv to confirm what his intuition had already alerted him of a week prior.

Now, as she was sitting in the chair across from his desk, the lone lamp sitting on his desk illuminated her face; it was still extremely early, and he normally kept most of the lights off until his squad started showing up for work around 8:30. As she sat there, apparently lost in thought, he took second to examine her features closely. What he discovered only served to reassure him of his concerns: Her complexion was gaunt, there were bags under her eyes. Despite that, her skin still somehow managed to have a glow to it that he hadn't seen her have until a few weeks ago. But the especially damning evidence was what was hidden beneath her button-up blouse. Her breasts were larger than her ever remembered them being, but what was perhaps most noticeable was the small potbelly that she was cautiously cradling with one of her hands; a habit she had formed since returning to work. Even he had to admit that he hadn't really noticed the last detail until this morning. He had noticed that she was shifting uncomfortably around in her pants, which appeared rather tight, about two weeks ago, but he just assumed that Olivia had gained weight. Now, however, as he gazed upon her and noticed her blouse buttons straining to cover her rounded abdomen that she still laid a protective hand over, Don Cragen was certain that his detective, Olivia Benson, was expecting; he just wanted to hear it from her to confirm his belief.

As much as she trusted her captain, Olivia sat in the chair across from Cragen's desk feeling defeated and defenseless to what she was almost positive was about to come. "No, I swear I'm fine, cap. You don't need to worry about me." _Bullshit, Olivia. Why can't you just tell him the truth?_

Seeing the fear in Olivia's eyes, Cragen smiled at her sympathetically as he continued with his line of questioning. "Are you sure, Olivia? Because correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I just see you throwing up in the squad room for what seems like the millionth time in the last couple of weeks?"

"I guess you're right about that captain. I'm probably coming down with the summer flu or something." _Fucking morning sickness. You couldn't keep yourself composed in front of your co-workers, and now Cragen's putting two and two together!_

"Or something. Olivia, I care about you. I think of you as a daughter. And I'm sorry to say this, but I've noticed that your body has changed recently."

_Oh, mother of god, here it comes…_

"I've already mentioned the whole bit about throwing up, but you've been avoiding coffee like the plague, a behavior I've never seen you exhibit until recently…"

_I probably should have at least pretended to have a few cups here and there so nobody would have suspected anything._

"Your breasts look like they've practically gone up a cup size."

_Damn straight. I can barely keep them in my bra; they just feel so heavy and sore as of late…_

At this point, tears were stinging at the corners of Olvia's eyes, threatening to fall.

"And I know how women can be sensitive about this, so I apologize in advance, but you've put on quite a bit of weight."

_You don't say? My fucking button popped off my fat pants yesterday when I leaned over the table in interrogation._

"But what is most concerning, is that even now, you're cradling your belly, almost protectively."

_FUCK! I'm sorry rookie, I tried to keep you a secret, I promised I would for as long as possible…_

"Liv, I care about you. I know that there's something you probably want to tell me, but I respect if you want to wait until later. I promise I'm not going to ask."

The tears that were forming in her eyes a few minutes ago were now streaming freely down her face as she let out a small sob and quickly blurted, "I'm pregnant."

Cragen practically had to keep himself from letting a few tears fall as he watched his detective break down right before his eyes. Even now, he was just noticing how small she looked, huddled up in the chair before him. He opened his mouth to ask her one final question that he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to, but it was a few seconds later until could finally build up the courage to ask her. His lip quivering, he whispered, "Olivia, the father?"

She made the eye contact she had previously been avoiding with him; her eyes glossy and red as she was still wracked with the sobs she had been holding in. Finally, she managed to stammer, "l-Lewis…"

That was all Don Cragen needed to hear before rising from his desk, moving over the chair Olivia was still crying in, and proceeding to hold her in an embrace with the false idea that nothing would be able to hurt her anymore if he did so. It broke his heart to see her this way, and as it was, he never wanted to let go of the protective embrace he was holding her in now.


End file.
